God the Weaver

    “When we embrace the many parts of our experience we discover a magnificent creation. . . Every moment is but a thread, a thread of consciousness embracing the very essence of life. Some threads are brilliant and dazzling while others are tattered and torn. When looked upon in isolation the tattered threads look inferior. Yet when woven together by the wondrous hands of the Creator, the light magically blends with the dark. As joy coalesces with pain, God creates the magnificent tapestry that is life.”      Debbie Milam

     When you are suffering from depression it is difficult to see God’s hands at work on your tapestry.   There are no “brilliant and dazzling” threads, only “tattered and torn.”  There is no joy only pain.  My tapestry was becoming worn and tear-stained.  It took all my strength to get out of bed and care for my children during those first six months after our eighth baby was born.  Not only was I having difficulty caring for them but I was also attempting, rather unsuccessfully, to homeschool the older children.  

     The anti-depressant my doctor had prescribed needed to be increased three times before I began to feel better.  Once again I could see more than just dismal, worn strands.  I could see a lovely picture taking shape.  Now I was weaving with bright and dazzling threads.  The change was dramatic and sudden.  All that had seemed too difficult to accomplish just days before became easy tasks.  I was schooling the children, caring for the toddlers and baby and completing household chores.  I needed little sleep and continually felt as though I had drunk a pot of coffee. My mind raced with thoughts and ideas.

      One afternoon I took two of my boys with me to the grocery store.  They had trouble keeping up with my quickened pace.

      “Slow down mom.  You’re running in the store.” 

      “Yeah, we can’t keep up with you.”

     I just laughed.  It felt so good to laugh after so many months of crying.  I thought this new found happiness and energy were just a return to normal.  I prayed that it would last and my tapestry would never be woven of just dull, ragged threads again.  A few months later I learned that this time of euphoria was not normal but actually an episode of bipolar mania possibly triggered by the anti-depressant.

     When I stepped back and looked at my tapestry I could see where the garish threads of mania were interwoven with the dark threads of depression.  God had woven these contrasting threads together to create a picture that tells my story.

   Is there a time in your life when “brilliant and dazzling” threads have been woven together with “tattered and torn” threads?